If she chooses to play that card, then the boyfriend would be wise to bail, because her being that easily "manipulated" means it'll happen again
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No, it's not like being raped. I've been raped. It's like being manipulated after havoing terrible boundaries. Because that is what it was
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OP, you are going to do what you are going to do. But I'd recommend finding another less dangerous "area of expertise." This particular talent is going to cause you more and more trouble...ESPECIALLY if you get married
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You were emotionally manipulated by the other guy. It happens. It is basically like being raped. Just because you flirted, it was wrong of him to emotionally force you to give in. Men think they can manipulate women and then blame them for giving in. I would explain to your boyfriend exactly how this man manipulated you and have him help you to see an attorney to sue the other man for emotional distress for what he did
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I wonder how genuine rape victims must feel reading your trivialisation of the word. Is the OP not an adult capable of making her own decisions, and being accountable for the consequences?
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You are not understanding this correctly. You are acting like it is the action of telling him that would be the cause of his pain. That's a lie to yourself to talk yourself out of doing it. It was THE ACTION that destroyed his happiness and shattered his family. The telling is just you being honest with the horrific actions you took so that you are not desperately attempting to dictate the consequences you have to face by being controlling over your husband and tailoring his day to day feelings to your liking, not to reality. Not cool
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It was not a one night thing. Sex once? Ya, maybe. But you said you started talking to a friend you knew was in love with you, and were flirting over text with him. So this was an ongoing emotional affair before it escalated to a physical affair....this means more than a one time thing, and even more deceitful and thought out. Don't fool yourself
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You have to tell him. You did wrong and now have to face your consequences and do right by your husband. Anything else is a lie and a means to control his reaction and the cost you have to pay, and so is selfish and cruel. And when and if you tell him, tell him everything. Don't tell him it was a one time thing and then he finds out about the texting later. Tell him it all up front and take your licks. Its the best chance you have
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I don’t blame you all for judging me but you actually don’t know me or know how much I LoVE my other half. Yes it was awful what I did but there are worse things!
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Listen, that is what we are trying to say... We do know you and we do understand what you are going through. Most on this site have either cheated or been cheated on. Some, like me have lived through both
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Until you actually see what you have done, and have the courage to take the necessary actions to correct it and live an authentic life, you will feel just the way that you feel now
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You said it yourself in your post, "Also, I am completely concerned about hurting him. Otherwise I would just tell him so I could stop driving myself nuts."
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Stop driving myself nuts, me, me, me... Your guilt, your pain, not his pain when this comes out 10 years from now. Or not even your child's pain when you and he divorce over this. It is all about you
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Just like your affair, even if it was just a ONS, was a selfish, horrible act that you committed against your F. You did that to him for no other reason than you wanted to
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